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TO SMELLYRAINBOWS.BS.COM !
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Wednesday, September 2, 2009 6:05 AM
what's wrong
i seriously dont know what's wrong w me nowadays.. ive been getting upset and quarelling w people,my closests, these few days.. last two days, it was fiona but it was resolved there and then, on the same day, after our dispute yesterday, it was gwen we also managed to resolve it both of us gave each other chances to exchange our views and realise each other's faults and apologised for them that, was resolved too and today, there were a few things i was upset with by eugene i tried my best to get over it quickly and move on happily with him till after band, where i let go of the tight grip of anger ive been holding for the whole day i let it go.. i didnt want to, but im not strong enough im just too stressed out, esp with the fact that ive been quarelling with two of my two closests for the past 2 consecutive days now he wont pick up calls i personally think that if there's unhappiness between between two parties, they should talk it out talking it out is the best way to resolve it, even if it leads to a huge dispute at least both parties are more aware of what their faults are and what the other party truly feels and has to say even if both parties decide to give a time-out from each other, at least they'd think it over, sort out their thoughts and eventually forgive and forget but i dont have a chance to talk to you ): all i can do is hope that by tomorrow, you'd forgive me and we can move on as usual am i expecting too much from these people, my closests? am i holding on too tight? so tight that the slightest mistake made affects me badly? i really gotta let loose i know its my attitude i really need counselling or any workshops on anger management i know mine is very VERY poor im fully aware of it i tried to think of ways to solve matter i gave myself a time-out this afternoon before band but its not working, not when im alone that is when im sad, i'd need someone to sit there by me, most preferred is the person that saddened me, showing that he/she still cares for me when im angry, i'd first want some alone time then after awhile, i'd like someone to be there as well, someone to hear me rant and pour out my unhappiness and most preferrably also, the one that angered me, so we can express our views and then resolve it there and then so we can move on as usual but nobody seems to understand me.. all they think is that i just want my alone time all the way when im unhappy but thats not just it, that's not the way that might even worsen my state of feelings sometimes.. i just wonder who gets me.. i know im difficult.. im sorry, to everyone that's around me and is affected by me and my poor anger management i truly sincerely am.. |