i seriously dont know what's wrong w me nowadays..
ive been getting upset and quarelling w people,my closests,
these few days..

last two days, it was fiona
but it was resolved there and then,
on the same day, after our dispute

yesterday, it was gwen
we also managed to resolve it
both of us gave each other chances to exchange our views
and realise each other's faults and apologised for them
that, was resolved too

and today,

there were a few things i was upset with by eugene
i tried my best to get over it quickly and move on happily with him
till after band, where i let go of the tight grip of anger ive been holding for the whole day
i let it go..
i didnt want to,
but im not strong enough
im just too stressed out,
esp with the fact that ive been quarelling with two of my two closests
for the past 2 consecutive days

now he wont pick up calls

i personally think that if there's unhappiness between between two parties,
they should talk it out
talking it out is the best way to resolve it, even if it leads to a huge dispute
at least both parties are more aware of what their faults are
and what the other party truly feels and has to say

even if both parties decide to give a time-out from each other,
at least they'd think it over, sort out their thoughts and eventually forgive and forget

but i dont have a chance to talk to you ):

all i can do is hope that by tomorrow,
you'd forgive me and we can move on as usual


am i expecting too much from these people, my closests?
am i holding on too tight?
so tight that the slightest mistake made affects me badly?

i really gotta let loose

i know its my attitude
i really need counselling or any workshops on anger management
i know mine is very VERY poor
im fully aware of it

i tried to think of ways to solve matter

i gave myself a time-out this afternoon before band
but its not working,
not when im alone that is

when im sad,
i'd need someone to sit there by me,
most preferred is the person that saddened me,
showing that he/she still cares for me

when im angry,
i'd first want some alone time then after awhile,
i'd like someone to be there as well,
someone to hear me rant and pour out my unhappiness
and most preferrably also, the one that angered me, so we can express our views
and then resolve it there and then
so we can move on as usual

but nobody seems to understand me..
all they think is that i just want my alone time all the way when im unhappy
but thats not just it,
that's not the way
that might even worsen my state of feelings sometimes..

i just wonder who gets me..

i know im difficult..

im sorry,
to everyone that's around me and is affected by me and my poor anger management

i truly sincerely am..