i studied hard for it
i practised questions
ive memorised and understood almost all of the formulae needed
- binomial
-partial fractions
-logarithm
-indices & surds
-simultaneous equation
-remainder & factor theorem
-completing the square method
-coordinate geometry
after getting enough of F9 all these while,
i finally had hope of not only passing, but getting at least a c5
but somehow, i got a mind block
i somehow lost everything
i was doing quite fine before the paper
i got panicky
somehow, the things i knew how to do, just couldnt come out of my mind
i stared and stared
and though hard, very hard
i even hit my head numerous times in anger , and even stressed
eyes started to well up
i was so panicky
i was so afraid
my heart really felt as if it sank
i saw images of people im dissapointing
my tutor
my parents
and most importantly,
MYSELF,sitting pathetically in my seat, not able to sort out my thoughts
it was really blank
i never felt this way before, for any exams
i was ready before the start, able to answer almost everything when tested by friends
i screwed up
i screwed up
big big time
towards the end, the tears started to flow out
and soon, it was flowing consistently.
during collecting of papers,
james, who often mocks at me and laughs at my pathetic results,
whispered to me, "don't cry already.."
well, that didnt help.
you know how it feels, when you really feel like crying,
and then someone tells you not to,
the more you feel like crying huh
so yeahm there i went, crying even more
the invigilator saw through my pretence of being okay,
and asked why i was crying.
i faked a smile and said that it was nothing.
she then gave me a pat on my right shoulder before walking away
deon turned as saw me crying too
i saw his worried face, gesturing, asking why
it reminded me of how badly, how seriously bad i have done
and yeah you've guessed it,
more.
after dismissal, i texted my tutor,
telling her of everything that happened.
it was very difficult to hit that 'send' button.
teared before pressing it, hesitating
and cried after doing so.
it was really a tiring and rough day for me.
kept on crying.
never have i cried this much for an exam.
oh well, i failed to be a black horse i used to be,
jumping about 4 grades up for math last year.
its yet another F9 for me.
btw, the minimun marks ive lost for A MATH is,
well,
45
upon
80
astonished ?
