is everyone's life like this?
or is it just mine?

the boy who jokes around all the time,
the boy who makes people laugh
actually faces more problems than average
oh, how ironic..

- to be labelled as a gay & not to be accepted by best friend IF i was

- to be labelled as a gay by my own mum when we were quarelling. it already crushes my heart when my own best friends or even normal friends say that of me, what more my OWN mother..

- to be locked out from 8-10pm till i fell asleep on the seat outside my house, followed by whipping of the belt by mum and also caning by dad. all these not too long ago, and the cane marks still show clearly on my thighs. and all these even when im alr 15

- to face quarels w/someone every now and then

- to face the fact that there are actually 4 illegitimate children in my whole family, one by someone v close to me

- to have uncontrollable anger managements that only leave regrets

- to lose people one by one, though slowly. how many can i have left in the very end?

- to try so hard to change my attitude but just dont know how, and it just seems difficult

- to never be able to last a genuine smile throughout at least a week straight

- to see cousins, of different ages, change, from innocent to not .
smoking boy when only in primary 5, smoking girls, girls becoming 'minah' .
i really dont think i like my mum's side anymore, neither does my sis.
we very much prefer our father's side. besides, we are more closer tgt.

basically to have a complicated and problematic life,
but people miss out how miserable it can get.
people tend to not see..

i do not ask for all of this..

just how do i say, when noone sees but the good?

am i strong enough?

i've faced all this, but can i take more?

-ALHZ










people are people and the most prettiest things in life
are actually embracing the whole shit of hell.
these are life skills we need to lean in order to survive the world
patience is one technique that most lack but are only considered magical
to those who knew the powers in it.
presence of darkness is supposed to guide us to light.
have faith in life, for life's been gracious to us all along
so that we could live and enjoy light .

- nabilah



thanks nabilah!
it really did make me feel better after reading it,
but its not permanent );
i cant get things out of my mind..

but thans ALOT!
i really really appreciate it (: