tough TOUGH day.
got yelled at by mr chua (he rarely gets so angry and yells)
for not playing properly on the bass drum.
i wasnt sure?
it was my first time attempting that song,
MAMMA MIA.
plus there was quite alot of people inside the band room when he was yelling at me.
they were having their breaks i guess?
it was sectionals today.
it got worse after band.
punishments needed to be done.
sery was attendind drum major course,
well, till friday.
i was left alone to conduct punishments.
didnt think it would be that difficult.
i've done it before.
well, it was proven more difficult and
hurting than i thought.
i gathered those who had to do punishments,
fall in in four columns at the concourse.
asked them to run around netball court.
samuel was unhappy, he prefered pumpings.
i gave them 5 counts to line up.
samuel only strolled while the others ran and gathered at the netball court.
if there were gaps in between those running,
i was supposed to increase the number of laps till there were no huge gaps.
i increased till 11 laps,
yet samuel continued on walking.
it was only 2 rounds,
and i gave in to samuel- which i wasnt supposed to.
i stopped them and asked them to do pumpings instead,
they way he preffered.
he exclaimed " yay!"
i was abit relief, thinking at least he would cooperate now?
i was really mad at samuel,
i shouted to the whole lot.
"since you guys make it difficult for me,
i'll make it difficult for you"
well, i've heard not only me saying that.
other drum majors would have said it?
yet, he didnt really do those pumpings.
i stood there heartbroken,
looking at the others suffer under the scorching sun,
w palms on the hot blazing concrete stone ground.
gwen was looking at me,
and i felt so so pathetic.
i gave them 20 pumpings,
with long pauses in between where they had to stay in pumping positions,
waiting for samuel to complete his.
they asked for permission to recover
as samuel just stood up and walked off.
i said aloud that the all of them were not going anywhere.
(unless he came back)
and he said aloud as he walked off
" but im going somehwere"
i was really confused, hurt and i dont know.
its a mixture of feelings.
it totally sucked.
what kinda assistant drum major am i.
i cant even conduct punishment w/o sery ma'am to guide.
how am i supposed to take over next year,
how am i supposed to do my duties when i cant even do such a simple task!
im having greater doubts bout continuing as drum major.
yea, i've had doubts but none this strong.
its really getting tougher these days,
now that SYF is approaching,
now that im taking over sery pretty soon.
i told deon what happened,
and my reactions.
well, he did say my actions were wrong.
i felt more demoralised.
i dont know how to do this anymore.
plus, today,
i got a slight cut on the finger by a knife.
can the day get any worse?
i stare into the sun,
glaring it may be.
just to not be able to face the world
is all i ask for now.
i just want to shut my eyes,
and hope tomorrow will be a better day ahead.
or will it?
