Sunday, September 7, 2008 6:32 AM
time is of the escense?
time can heal any wound?
well, since that's what they say,
i might as well believe it.
even if it doesnt turn out to be true,
it's not as if i've never lied to myself before.
so, i'll hold on to these words tight.
a while more and i'll, heal.
even if things dont turn out for the better,
i guess.. im ready to accept it.
syaifullah's right.
i should be thinking this way:
"i'm blessed enough to have met someone like eugene.
&even if i wont get what ive been wanting and hoping anymore,
im lucky enough to have those memories with him to look back at."
besides, its plain stupid to have a malay and a chinese as brothers anyways?
you must have thought this way before , huh?
(: silly me .
im so dumb,
thinking we could be the best of bros before.
but looking things now,
we arent even brothers?
dumb dumb.
im about to pose a question soon enough.
well, when im really ready enough.i guess ill be fine ,
if i were to be rejected?
,..but uhm,
i wont know till i try, will i?
even if things were to worsen,
i'll find my ways to move on.
i have my means, (:
i admit,
im the weak type.
i cry alot.
i dont, wait, cant control my emotions&feelings.
i pour everything out.
i dont quite keep in.
&everytime i do,
someone sure is bound to ger hurt by my words.
im sorry.
really, i mean it.
im trying to learn how to hide everything now,
people have gone down w me far enough now.
i have to put a stop to this path of theirs.
im on the very edge now,
&i have to go on
by myself.
i need to learn to be independant.
moreover,
i think he's all you need.
you were glad, were'nt you when he said he'd be different
from any other brothers that you ever had?
i saw that wide smile of yours when you told me so.
he reassured you.
you took his word.
im sure he's kept his word since.
im sure you just cant do w/o him.
but the more he needs you.
he's finally found that one brother,
the right one.
the one that can finally shower him w the care,love & attention that he needs.
that one brother is, you.
and to him, you're very different too.(:
he truly needs you & i can see you truly need him too.
so uhm,
even if i were to get rejected,
im happy and contented enough to have left you
uner the care of someone
that you really need, that truly needs you.
(would you even be better off w/o me?)
there's also this saying,
"loving someone is to let go"
(im not gay)
if i reach a point where i really have to,
i'll try my best.
you, move on too.
it'll be easier for you than it is for me, huh? (:
i even feel you can easily forget bout me now, judging from how things are now.
but, its okay i guess?
btw, feeling weorthess is only temporary, isnt it?
tell me its so,
hafiz.
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