now what's up with you, mum
ive always thought my dad's the only one becoming a monster
but you're changing since the period not long ago,
when u fell out with him .
now both of you are out against me.
becoming more strict and fierce towards me
which only makes me SEEM like becoming worse
issit because u're more afraid of my dad now
cos he feels uve been to lenient on letting me do things
and that he dooesnt like it
do you now want to change
for him,
so that he wont be angry anymore
so that he'll be more contented with you,
especially with the way u handle me?
but what about me..
what about the voice that screams in my heart ?
not only screaming in anger,
but screaming for help.
stop reading my msgs,
read or unread by me
stop making me feel like a difficult child to handle
stop saying im not even trying to change
stop saying i care even less of what u ask of me,
im even more scared now
stop saying my (new) friends are influencing me to be a worse son
they are helping me to help you , believe it or not
stop misunderstanding me
stop wronging me
stop expecting me to understand u totally and even more,
but not try to f-ing understand me at all
and that u just want me to go
how u want and think MUST be the way
stop not trying to listen to my reasons when u wronged me
and only ending up saying u dont like the way i talk back
or my attitude.
you wronged me.
i was merely trying to explain,
but as usual u just refuse to listen
and stick to ur feelings about me being in the total wrong
i admit ive not been the best child u can have
and ive done quite alot with this new group of friends
like staying out late
(but for dinner,birthday celebration and celebration for end of attachment)
and even having a sleepover once
ive alr reasoned things out to you,
but u still choose to ignore it all.
why, mom
why
stop saying im forever at fault.
u know,
now i feel that ure becoming more of a monster than daddy is..
its terrifying for me do you know
when both of you, parents are strangling me
i rmb the period when u fell out with dad
i could still feel ur love and care for me
i heared u cry on the phone
when we were talking
and u did hear me cry too.
we had our own individual problems.
but since then on,
uve changed.
i dont feel any love from you
in fact,
i feel this slight hatred from you..
i need love
love from a family
frankly,
its been so so SO SO
long since i felt it
both my brother and sister
prefer each other
daddy loves big sister,
very very obvious and biased towards her
mommy loves them all more than she does me
in other words, loves me the least
i dont understand why im most problematic wherever i go
problematic in a sense that
i have alot of problems
and also that i bring alot of problems
this sucks man,
BIG time
