im strong.
i dont want this to make me weak and someone im not.
i feel like ive changed.
where's the 'me' i knew.

its just a bloody post right?
if its not meant to be, than what can i do.
i just gotta learn to accept and adapt to the change after these months .

i WILL get over it.
its funny that i keep saying this but im still unsure if i can.

just a few more tears and i should be okay right ?

ive had my share for the past few months.

Now all i have left to do
is wait for the announcement to just end it all .
And i think the faster they get it done, the better.

To those who may succeed and to the one who will be taking over me,
with a sincere heart,
CONGRATULATIONS.
its your time to shine.

remember, DONT GIVE UP!
everyone is so gonna be proud of all of you

weak.

i cant believe i let my emotions
get the better of me again today.
it has been the second time i did when it comes to this.

these tears musnt be shown
i must stand strong
even if im not ,
i have to at least pretend that i am.

this is nothing.

like atiqah said,
its just another highlight to my life.
its not the only one, there are many more to come.

ive had my share, though it was awhile.

it should be enough right ?

though i didnt really get to do much?

isnt it enough that i was given the chance before?

face it hafiz,
its over .
just accept it .

like an old friend once said,

" look at your fingers.
They are all not of equal length.
Life is unfair "


i just hate people who are damn bias
& doesnt give enough chances/opportunities for the
"weaker" (in his/her eyes) one to prove he can do it.

Who would find the SMALLEST flaw and remember it hard,
using it as an excuse to bring one down.

who would never praise a single thing
to the one he/she's biased against.
but praises hard and forgives easily and not scold
the one he/she is biased towards.

its just unfair.

i was cutting the lontong, which i held on my hand, with a knife.
i wasnt really focusing, busy thinking about stuffs that has been bothering me

and there went the piece of lontong, slipping off my hand
and left a slit as the blade went through my index finger.

if my finger was personified to share the same heart as mine,
i'd say he was shedding blood tears for me

tag replies:

zany:

syazwani,
zany,
funny,
NO MONEH !

THANK YOU AH BRO
i think you did an amazing job with my haircut today.
no, really. i mean it
haha !

eh eh next time i wanna get a haircut,
and i dont feel like doing it myself,
you would right?
hoho

zany showed me this ( MUST WATCH )

GOSH

13-year-old dad?
what was his older girlfriend thinking when she let fer fuck her w/o a condom?
or even with it, for that matter !

its enough torture as it is
really, make it stop
don't let this linger on
its hurting me much more
and it hasnt even reached its climax,
when the whole truth is spoken to all.

i dont want this.

please end it here

i beg you..




tag replies:

gwen : aiya gwen i lazy leh. summore all posted ready.
i promise the next pictures that u deserve a credit, i shall.
heheheh

passerby : oh come on,
who doesnt? haha

oh wait,
are you a teacher from my school?
gosh. HAHAHHA

and another random song goes

when smiling is all that's left to do

we were sitting on that wooden bench at 6.28 pm
we were waiting for the sun to set
i held you tight so close to me
my heart starts to leap
not a second did it stop saying out your name
i wonder will i feel the same
if you leave

and i say
zany, will you follow me into this new phase of our lives
it doesnt matter
how things are
as all i need is you
you by my side

i wish you could call me
day and night
just for me to say it right
that i love you
from every single
angle of my little heart
i love you


we were playing in the rain that day
we didnt care what people say
and my heart starts to wonder
could this truly be it
and i looked into your eyes
and my heart skipped a bit
and i knew

open mic session next week
should i or should i not ?

i can't even imagine having my own timpani junior

i admit ah
i suck at this SL post actually
i dont even know why i was chosen as assistant SL

i can't teach everyone
i don't have the patience of a saint
& i cant take it
if the one learning from me keeps on repeating his mistakes despite repeated reminders

i dont seem to have difficulties or 'annoyance' when i teach/guide some people?
i guess they're just fast learners
its a whole lot easier

and timpani, there's ALOT to pass down .
seriously.

many think that its simply just banging the four drums around
" pom pom pom pom "
its plain easy
but that's where they're wrong.

timpani takes as much effort as to other instruments

it also has to be tuned every single practise
and it takes more effort and time to tune just one timpani than on one blowing instrument.

one timpani can have up to 5 notes.
and every note has to be tuned.
it doesnt have a tuning note that can be easily tuned with.

and after re-tuning,
there has to be a new coat of marking (masking tape) of the notes .
it may seem easy but doing this can take up to half an hour or more.

especially when its seriously out of tune
and i'd have to use this tool to fix it.
plus 5 minutes for every timpani.

troublesome, very .

packing it is a chore too.
every timpani is big and the case,
VERY THE STUBBORN
so annoying siah.
just doesnt want to fit the timpani-s
stupid casings

there's really alot to teach about timpani.
- how to take care of it
- how to re-tune it
- how to play it, which area to hit
- which sticks are better for which mood of songs
- techniques of playing
- how to change note WHILE playing (use of paddle)
- single stroking (roll )
- reading notes
- rhythmic skills

ugh.
i dont think im gonna have the patience.

i can't even teach eugene properly,
well, as patient as last year ?

stubborn guy, just wants to go fast
fiona says so too.

wei boy, START SLOW !

sigh
i dont think i want to be assistant SL anymore.
i cant teach everyone.
maybe almost everyone in percussion section ,
but i cant teach slow-learners..
bad A.SL

i tried to take a step forth
but agony pulls me back



I dont like :

- when someone walks (esp with slippers) , making sounds like lazy people walk.
* it's annoying

- when someone whistles all the time, especially in the toilet
* its okay at first but it gets annoying

- vanity
* just a little is enough
and i hate it more
when he/she just refuses to accept the fact if there are any flaws in his/her looks

- being invinsible, especially when i try hard not to be

- bias people

- being short for a guy

- major ego

- violence
* major ego + violence = gangs.
i dont like gangs .

- selfish/ stingy acts
* when money comes in before everyone else (doesnt help/ help reluctantly when in need)
* when one expects, for example, gifts but doesnt want to give

- having to wake up early and having to attend stuffs every single day

*monday : school. A math supplementary fortnightly

*tuesday&wednesday : school

thursday&friday : school. band

saturday : band. tuition

sunday : religious class

*sometimes, i dont even feel like going out on sunday aftenoons, if i can,
cause im just too worn out

- listening to rumours which i dont want to believe
* be it about myself or friends

- sudden setbacks
*those that really come w/o warning,
the ones that are not at all expected (especially when things seem to be going alright)

- misunderstandings

- running away from a problem/ situation
* unless its math .

- tattoos and piercings
* i think we should be grateful of the beautiful bodies God has given us
instead of ammending them

- my anger management
* damn i really gotta do something about this

just what is it with some people
why is there such a big stupid misunderstanding

let me say this loud and clear

PERCUSSION IS NOT = TO DRUM SET

even my own juniors have this mindset that drumset is the only nice thing to play,
the only instrument they want to be its main player.

oh great,
hire robots for other percussion instruments then.

yes the drumset is cool
but if one is a percussionist,
he/she plays ALL percussion instruments.
LEARN

you cant call yourself a percussionist if you only stick to one instrument in percussion!
snare drum for instance,
you'd be a SNARE DRUM PLAYER
its different, really.
even mr chua said so .

seriously

frankly, it does feel insulting when the mention of timpani and even mallets
irks some people,
especially my own juniors !

PEOPLE YOU ARE IN THE PERCUSSION SECTION
NOT 'DRUMSET&snare drum-SECTION'

must only the "cool" instruments be played?

and do you even fucking realise that only one of you would be the main drumset player?
even so, you still have to learn all the other instruments.

dont follow some of your seniors.
i know some of them stick to their instruments only.
some dont even intend on trying out other instruments.

if you want to be like them, well
ugh just go ahead.




im so dissapointed

FUGG
why did i even think of such a thing

its impossible man
how can i possibly get to play horn.

they wouldn't give me a chance
even if i can pitch or if i know almost all the fingerings
or maybe even if i can play properly

and even if i try,
wouldn't glenn and mr chua be dissatisfied
wouldn't the whole percussion section be unhappy

but where goes my interest

oh glenn said mrs chee has already submitted the names last monday
and that its just impossible for me now

i know.
i know.
i know.

fine i'll forget and get over the whole bloody damn thing

i know this may sound dumb,
but im gonna ask mrs chia if i could try-out for french horn on thursday !

aiya!
i know what you're thinking lah,
TIMPANI .

but if you give it a second thought,
im like killing two birds with one stone ( is that even possible ?)

i get horn,
jason gets to go for syf !
( the one event that comes once in a lifetime,that's what mrs chee said )
he'd have something to play, and not be stuck as a reserve !

ive tried out the horn parts for flying high,
I CAN PITCH I CAN PICTH.

though some parts need ALOT ALOT of things to work on,
i SWEAR ill work VERY VERY hard !

come on,
give me a chance to show that i can
please?
haha okay i sound so persistent and annoying.


i hope mrs chia gives me a chance..
oh gosh, and i hope jason would play timpani..

tag replies :

nazhiifah : eh eh, i havent recieved any emails from you until now. HAHAH

adila : gee thanks kakak!

amalia : hello !

gwen : Rule number 3: be nice to everyone .

deon : yes! tag more .

i told you i don't shine much



new mindset :

- Have to think positive

a) Things maybe aren't as bad as they seem
are they?
yes they are!
( i have to think that way even if i feel they really arent, in order for this to work )

b) Try to think of the positive things that are happening
instead of the negative
even though there are alot more of that

c) Work even harder, be it twice or thrice than what ive been doing .

d) Don't ever let anything bring me down.
Don't let anything step upon me.

e) Put on a mask, no matter how hard it gets .
" Good leaders should hide emotions "

f) Bad news are just news.
i can change it,
if i believe i can.
For now, i still believe i can .

YES I CAN!

g) Remember NCO pledge
like for example the part which says :
"we are devoted to duty but not to ourselves"

- have to be serious when i have to
- gotta know when to change my personality ( temporarily )

h) P-R-I-D-E

gosh am i really saying this?

but i have to admit,
it does make sense and it does apply to almost everything in everyone's lives.
but students of jurongville are just annoyed it keeps repeating .