put on a mask fake a smile force it if you can't feel sore but show you can be strong
Friday, January 30, 2009 5:46 AM
gosh, its really confirmed. though its not announced yet, its confirmed. its getting obvious .
again, i shall keep telling myself im mentally prepared .
i must have the mindset like adila's , the one she asked me to do the same .
im still standing strong. for now? uhm.. no! for as long as it can ! i'll try .
5:31 AM
still standing strong
mark my words, i will NOT, i repeat, NOT give up and let go just like that till its the VERY VERY end .
though i know its getting more impossible as the day goes by i dont want to be a loser who gives up. at least i could be a loser that gives his best .
Thursday, January 29, 2009 5:45 AM
be mine
what i'm feeling i just can't describe it my heart is just bursting when i have you beside
i think of you every second, every minute i'm always here oh darling, i mean it
i've always pictured you- only you & I & my wish is that i could just say
be mine
your laugh makes me smile your tears make me cry your presence just makes everything seems right
the warmth of your touch makes my heart beat fast i wish i could make this feeling last
just take my hand & close your eyes then you'll understand what i feel inside
and i've always pictured you- only you and i & my wish is that i could just say
be mine .
Wednesday, January 28, 2009 5:47 AM
happy
im learning . im doing quite well , i think . :B
im really touched with sery and vania . really, im so very much touched ! i never knew anybody would treasure me that much when it comes to this . thanks guys .
haha
oh and chatting with sery is getting fun again now . yay im no longer scared. woohoo! a great senior, a great friend is back! hahah
yo, be less stressed and more fun tau! haha
woohoo
today is such a happy day.
whole clique kept their smiles and laughters on they make me happy too.
hahah happy day happy day
Monday, January 26, 2009 6:53 AM
i guess i shall just wait and see how it goes .
whatever happens, ive promised to myself to be strong and be mentally prepared .
6:36 AM
im lost im confused i dont see anything else that i could do to make it any better.
my brain needs a map my brain need some clues any guidelines any help
i know ive been given alot of chances i know im at the very end now i know its risky i know i deserve this
but i just wish i could have one last chance. just one . i'd turn back time and improve on every single little teeny weeny thing i'll do my best.
but i cant turn back time.
its all about the future.
so i promise ill try my VERY VERY best to turn things around and not disapoint
but will it all be worthwhile ?
my brain tells me to give up because its really hopeless. and it might also not be such a good thing if i succeed . ( you wont understand ) but my heart tells me to work hard and go on and not to disapoint anyone pinning high hopes on me anyone who supports me
but im lost what should i do
i dont see the right way in both these decisions i dont seem to be happy in the outcome of these two decisions
maybe im thinking far too early and negatively
but just which route shall i take ?
6:23 AM
yes i do understand that people change. but i dont like it one bit when you do . it just feels uncomfortable . i dont feel the sense of being that close anymore . i want you . just you . you dont have to change, if you think that thats what it takes to make you a better person, i'd want you to know that you've changed far enough now . please
5:26 AM
SATURDAY
highlights :
-picnic -swimming -digging deep holes till water appeared from below -beach volleyball -strum guitar - skyline & luge
skyline & luge was super fun ! psst, i kinda teared abit on board the skyline. hehe it was super high and my cousin was like trying to open the safety thing that rpevents us from falling off the bench which was like 60 feet(?) above the ground. ( high high is 60 feet? i suck at measurements ) my sister and i screamed alot. esp when my cousin kept on trying to open it. haha i tried to, onced i calmed down.
racing down the hill was FUN FUN FUN! the luge thingy. whoohoo!
i love my aunts. noone would ever bring me there.
and im sorry everyone for indirectly being the cause we had to go home and not enjoy more activities like the 4D thingy and such.
(my dad lah. my aunts were worried that my dad would be unhappy if my sis and i stayed out too late with them. hmph)
thank you aunties! i really enjoyed my second trip to sentosa and the first ride there !
SUNDAY ( CNY'S EVE )
went to science centre ( had no where else near that we could think of ) with nazhiifah qzai and haziq .
main highlight :
waterworks! pictures are in nazhiifah's phone ah. shit . haha
MONDAY ( CNY )
HERE'S WISHING TO ALL CHINESE A HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR !
and to those who dont celebate chinese new year, ENJOY YOUR SHORT HOLIDAY !
tag replies : ahdila : yeah, im chilling .
hakim : whoohoo! i spot another loyal reader !
passerby :handsome? gosh. hahah anyhow lah you. about the blogskin, i cant agree more. CEH !
Friday, January 23, 2009 6:00 AM
when the phone ring. GREEN GREEN ~ iPINKup the phone and said. YELLOW~blue is this? WHITEdo you want? you dontPURPLE-ly. call me. you make me angry. i will not call youBLACK !
5:23 AM
some people tend to walk in the light - im somehow one of those who seem to stay in the dark corners .
Thursday, January 22, 2009 5:01 AM
thanks
& to wear a mask, i shall .
no tears will fall . ive promised myself to be strong .
im prepared .
THANK YOU SERY
im just glad i wasnt kept me in the dark any longer. but trust me, ill try my VERY BEST to not disapoint you .
bestfriend's honour .
Tuesday, January 20, 2009 5:25 AM
so come along take my hand let's all go to dragonland
i was sleeping so soundly outside on my couch when i was woken up by some noise. it doesnt come so often. in fact, its so rare that it comes.
but its very familiar. it sounds sad. as if it was crying trying to get attention, like asking for help or attention . i wasnt sure which.
it was fluffy.
he was outside my house ! and mum had already closed the door , not allowing it to come in . she gave me warnings not to open up.
his wails were very very loud.
i looked through the peephole and was kinda surprised to see him not lying down ( like always) but sitting up right in front of the door, with his nose nearly touching the gate.
i raelly ahd the urge to pat him .
its was only after about 15 minutes did he stop meowing aloud. i checked to see and he wasnt there anymore.
im sorry fluffy
Monday, January 19, 2009 5:29 AM
the boy who can't be moved
what i'm feeling i just can't describe it my heart is just beating when i have you beside
i think of you every second every minute i'm always here of darling, i mean it
i pictured you - only you and i & all i wish is that i could just say
be mine
actualy this was the start of my draft of my first (tryout) piece of music. i let fiona read it but she said it was old-fashion. maybe it really is pathetic? sigh thats all i have for that song. maybe im not the type who can write songs...
but what hannah said was
NANAB ♥ chill boo. says: thats sweet NANAB ♥ chill boo. says: i like simple but very very meaningful songs.
haha
5:15 AM
no
i stared to the ceiling and i wondered
i really dont want this feeling to go on any longer pleasant it may feel, but its only better without it.
i gotta slap myself out of this i have to face reality
but i just seems so hard . the more i try, the harder it gets and the stonger the feeling grows.
this sucks, big time .
Saturday, January 17, 2009 6:06 AM
* i wonder who my loyal readers are. those that read from start to end. not skipping any parts.
and if i were to talk to *anyone* about anything related to my blog, he wont know cause he didnt really read
fankly, im quite dissapointed at my own __
5:15 AM
highlights for today
*CCA fair
- performance was awesome. i think we managed to leave quite a huge impression on the sec ones. ( ceh confident ) hoho and the were sec ones coming to our booths, so interested to try out instruments and want to join band.
even one kid asked " so when do i audition? how do i get into band?" haha he doesnt realise that he has gone through the auditions ( under me ) HAHAHAH so cute
so so fun at the booth. danced randomly w farah atiqah zhu hao sery aiya a few more lah ( cant really rmb) but farah and i danced and entertained the msot i think. ahhah while mini band was performing songs in the band room .
i officially dont like the two new band-teachers-in-charge now. i tried to make myself like them, but they blew it.
we were clearing up after the fair, arranging the 90+ chairs and music stands and percussion instruments and bringing down decorations basically getting the bandroom to how it was before and how it was meant to be.
those two old teachers just walked here and there giving orders .
"boy, call our friends. ask them clean up"
what boy! slap your face ah mosnter
then at one time i asked adila shouting across the room when it was packing time
" where do i put these stands !"
she said : " hmm take the banners and files and put one side first "
one of the teachers, who was beside me came to me and said :" where do we normally put these stands?" ( in an annoying tone)
i ignored her cause it was a stupid .
1. i wouldnt have asked adila if i had known ( she coudnt have not heard me)
2.where do we normally put these stands?
a) since when did any of us regard her as one of us?
b) she cant even move a fucking music stand which weighs like a thick photo album and help me she only stood there and watched me move the stand with my feet. ugh !
after dismissal, zany yusri and i headed to ngee ann poly for the STRUMMING FOR CHARITY event we took changed busses at bukit batok interchange after getting a few snanks from that area ( we were really starving ) we didnt buy much. planned to eat at ngee ann's makan place.
zany and i taught yusri our dances in the bus. good job, boy! well done so glad he joined in and didnt spoil the fun hahah
suddenly, we looked out the windows and wondered if we had missed ngee ann's stop . we kinda panic. zany called her brother up described the surroundings and soon realised that we havent . phew!
in ngee ann, we did something stupid. very very stupid. hahah but i think its cute hoho
i think students of ngee ann poly would laugh their heads off at our stupidity if they knew.
re-enactment: finding atrium
we didnt know where the atrium was ( *atrium- venue for charity event ) just walked straight . ( my idea cause i kinda spot arrows pointing here and there. so went nearer to find out )
yusri spotted a notice hanging from the shelter top which says " ATRIUM -> " but the atrium pointed diagonally down how shall i put it? hmm.. ah ! like in the SOUTH-EAST DIRECTION!
it pointed to the direction of the entrance of the 'underground tunnel'
we went on in. thinking that it was going to be indoors, air-conditioned. cause we have to under that thing and it felt like we're heading to another room, a big hall. we talked aloud.
nearing the entrance, climbing up the steps i wondered and asked the rest " eh? we just climbed down the stairs and now we're going up again? wierd eh"
i told the rest to quiten down, thinking that everyone was upstairs,assembled (event has started by then) it was quiet. we were abit hesitant bout going up, cause we were noisy and may attract the guitarists attentions.
we went on up and realised that we were now on the other side of the road. dumb or dumb. that tunnel was made for wet weather, and students can walk through it , to cross the road.
we kept on laughing saying that we could have easily used the zebra crossing. and they weren't even any cars !
(picture of zebra crossing) from the right, we went all the way down and went up again on the left. hahaha
found atrium so headed to MAKAN PLACE to grab a bite first. i read from zane's blog where one part it mentioned somthing like a new muslim stall was set-up so that muslims can enjoy.
i thought that he meant that they added ANOTHER muslim stall but it turned out that they add A muslim stall. the one and only.
we were already tired by then, marching up the steep slope to get to MAKAN PLACE lazy go other canteens so we just got a drink .
*we were looking at stalls . i was in front zany and yusri were behind me. thinking that they were still behind, i turned around and luckily stopped myself from causing embarrassment upon myself.
i wanted to say " aiya lets go lah. buy drink only lah" but they were already not behind me. hmph! they hid behind a wall. grrr
charity event was okay lah. not much particants leh i exptected around 100 maybe 50? but there only about 20 there. sigh
HOMEEEEE
tag replies :
elena & arfian : done !
yusry :saje je hahah!
adila : aiyo! i keep forgetting ! haha okay okay i remember now!
Friday, January 16, 2009 5:07 AM
thursday
today
Wednesday, January 14, 2009 5:23 AM
ITS FOURTEEN OF JANUARY !
woots im fifteen! oh yeah, oh yeah, im fifteen . ( but fifteen somehow doesnt sound nice. ugh i dont like odd numbers )
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO STACIE HAFIZ AND GWENDOLYN...(in order from oldest-stacie) HAAA..PY.. BIRTHDAY.. TO USSS!!!
OH BTW, i wore my contacts today instead of my specs ( so long i didnt use them haha )
i was putting them on in the school toilet when adilah called my phone and asked me to meet her outside her class. she , together with ashiqin(sec 3), atiqah, farahD and zany, sang me a happy birthday hahah
i came into class with this under my table cover.
rahayu appeared outside my class and asked me to come to the window. she handed me these
kinder bueno- amira cadbury dairy milk - rahayu and syafiah
(please click for larger view.) (you need to read the instructions and know what magic boxershorts are) its COOL .
its a watch! cool right !
eugene
( gahh my name is engraved on it )
waited for fiona& elena (bio supplementary) & adila,farahD,zany and atiqah ( their own supps ) after school
everyone was behaving wierd-ly very the suspicious
they came and
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.. blah3
there was a cake! WHOOHOOO A PARTY!
SO SO HAPPY!
its been so long since i had a party for myself. hmm lets see, the last was, kinderkarten ? gwen never had one. stacie, im not sure.
it was GREAT.
the three of us blew the candles out and cut the cake together . it felt SO SO wonderful to cut your own cake, especially cutting it with people who were born the same day as you.
quite a number of people were there. gosh, i cant remember all .
after so, zany and i walked to the basketball court area and enjoyed the breeze . we chat while strolling and sat on the running track by the field . called up yusri to disturb him (ha ha!) at first our calls were diverted to his house. we thought it was him, his handphone and we yelled and yelled and disturbed him. not knowing that that was actually his brother !
we still didnt realise after he hang up on us and called again.
he asked who were looking for. before we could say zul CLEARLY, he hang up. zany immediate cursed him HAHAHAH
we tried again, now w my phone . we somehow heard the diverted thing where the ring2 got a small hiccup then someone picked up . it was a lady. HIS MUM! aiyoooo
she asked who we were looking for and we said yusri. she said that he wasnt in.
haiyaaa
soon later, yusri texted us. aiyoo that guy ah. and he laughed at us for getting paiseh-ed ? HMPH! hahah
before going home, zany and adila called clique ( except for zeke and elena-already gone home )
they performed for us! LIVE! ( last minute preparation-during free period ) BUT WE LOVED IT!
they sang " what i've been looking for - HSM " and danced randomly HAHAHAH entertaining much !
then sang other songs. zany nearly got me to sing our song with her aiyooo but i didnt hahah
THANK YOU : ( in no particular order)
-DEON (esp for planning the party) elena.zeke.gwen.fiona.stacie.zany.adila.farah.atiqah.glenn.farhan.hakim.uzair.syabil.arfian.zavier.junwern.rita.pacy.qiaosian.yi xiu. aizat.hazyq.vania.shaffiqa.kenneth.kai wen.fathiah.joanne.jasmineshahri(dk how to spell- sec four student councilor funny2) . ( & the rest who came)
THANK YOU FOR THE BIRTHDAY WISHES : zane.kevin.yusri.huating.dad.nazhiifah.brenda.cik adek.mama(auntie, not mum).kak ika.sofia.fatin.chin yee.ridhwanah.asyiqin.ashiqin.felyna.hermione.jacqueline.
aiya if i missed out anyone, SORRY! I LOVE YOU ALL ! HAHA !
OMG OMG !! MY BROTHER JUST CAME BACK HOME WITH KAK IFA (his girlfriend) WITH A CAKE! WHOOHOO!!!!!
BEST BIRTHDAY EVER! surprise party in school AND home.
YAY. i love life!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009 5:30 AM
stacie.gwen.hafiz
not only were we born on the same day, we somehow have the same taste/thinking as well !
gwen showed up with her new file it looked awfully familiar.
hafiz : " is that yours?" gwen : (thinking its a dumb question to ask) " yahh?"
i rummaged through my bag to look for something.
TA-DAA!
i got myself a new notebook . the same design as that of gwen's too!
cool huh
gwen : " oh! no wonder you ask me whose my file belonged too!"
then it was e-hum. what was it ah, literature or social studies ah? i think social studies. yah.
stacie gwen and i sat together. woots! three of us chose same humanities. literature.
so we sat together, with me in the middle, in order from oldest to youngest. ( starting from stacie)
i saw her elmo hanging from her handphone strap and
TA- DAA !!
i just got mine a few days back! cool or cool .
my elmo ( one of them ) my pencil case ( cool or cool ) my notebook ( cute huh )
but sadly, gwen and i arent the only one with anything that has that design ):
tag replies :
syaifullah : AGREED !
nazhiifah : WOOTS I CANT WAIT FOR THE LETTER!
nadiah : you havent missed! its tomorrow ! 14 january ! you're my idol lah sae. when it comes to DM and art. ceh bah that girl want teach art lah sae! better teach me hor !
oh ya, seeing you cry that time. makes me feel to want to study hard. haha i also want cry when i get my results lehh. but tears of joy also lah. im in sec three now. but im already afraid of O's . ):
there's only one star visible in the night sky now. starlight starbright i wish i may i wish i might have the wishes i wish tonight.
grant me the wishes i made earlier on when i first saw you.
kinder bueno- amira
(please click for larger view.)
( gahh my name is engraved on it )
